No Mystery About My Best Friend - Sean Hachey

While my Uncle has begun trying to understand the mystery of it all. I'll
try to bring another side of the spectrum into it. After all, I was the
one who suggested the start of this blog. Something I regret not starting
myself or even participating in, maybe this will help.

There are many mysteries that surround my mother and I guess with
everything that has been going on in my mom's life in the past month
and a half, there really isn't much mystery to it at all.
From the amount of pain my mom has been in, yet the more pain she
should have been in is... well, astonishing. Yet, then again, this isn't a
blog about how much pain a person can go on living with, but one
about my mother, my best friend.

Hey, she did start singing that song to me.
The theme song to the Courtship of Eddie's Father, from the time I
was a baby to the time I was... well about a few weeks ago. While the
song was written for a show about a father-son relationship and more
than 10 years before my birth, it worked great for this mother-son
relationship. She used to be put me atop her knee and bounce me up
and down while singing this "Best Friend" song.
Including that and all the rest she has ever done for me and obviously
everyone else... as read here on this wonderful blog. One would
wonder how she went on living with what was eventually found within
her and how the weeks and months leading up to this discovery she let
it seem like there wasn't a problem at all... and let's just use one word
or maybe a few more afterwards, but let's stick with that one word and
it'll be -- family.

She more than anything else loves her family, a past tense will never
apply. She was so excited for our annual Wellsville trip this year, the
balloons were never her main goal, neither were the famous Texas Hot
hot dogs, she just wanted to go see Mimi; to see Ma; to see Bette; to
see Brenda; to see the entire family ;to see this small little town and to
remember when she was a little girl and the times in Wellsville she
loved and reminisced with her family and all.

We would sometimes joke about the size of Wellsville and I always would

make the joke that maybe this year would be the year we finally got to meet Floyd

the barber or Otis the drunk, but I guess that's just from the classic Andy
Griffith television show. But this to my mom is a television show, to be
able to see her father celebrate another birthday and this year was no
exception. Except for the fact that she had already pre-planned his
birthday present for a few months. For those who didn't get to see my
grandfather open his gift, he got the latest Clint Eastwood movie, Gran
Turino, where this time Clint played a Korean war vet, bent on setting
wrongs right and living his life as a strong willed man... no it's not the
latest version of the 60s Man With No Name series, it's a whole
different take. And well, I know this man's name and it's Da.
And while my grandfather could probably make Clint Eastwood cry
with a good hand shake, my mom has made us all cry. But we're not
crying because of the pain she is in or the sad inevitable truth of the
matter, but probably what my uncle had previously mentioned - the
mystery. And well there really isn't any mystery to my mom she loved us all, us
being her family most of all.

To Mimi -- the one person who she always believes is the strongest
person in the entire world. The one person who will tell you what's the
truth of it all even if it hurts the most.

To Ma -- the one person my mother loved to just talk on the phone
with to tell her how her day went who loves my mother unconditionally
who would show my mom compasion when she thought the three boys
in her life weren't at times.

To Da -- the man she always looked up to. The guy who she always
knows would do anything and everything to protect and to provide for
her. And Da don't worry she did miss you when she was younger, but
some of her favorite childhood memories were with you and the crazy
family vacations you guys would go on.

To Bette -- my mother is slightly jealous of you. Because no matter
how something seems to others you always see the fun and excitement
in it. Even if say we were all being held hostage, you would be happy
that we were all in this adventure together.

To Amy -- yes, you got your sister and so did my mother. My mom
loves hanging out with you and just chit chatting and enjoying the time
and was so happy you decided to join our family all those years back.

To Brenda -- her aunt, when you invited her to Christmas in the city
she was so happy and overwhelmed. After each trip she would explain
everything she did and saw. She would show me the pictures with
Santa, the playbills of the plays she went to and she really enjoyed the
whole Regis time.

To her cousins Tara and Chris -- she was so happy to see you guys
come every Balloon Rally. Tara she was so happy to be part of your
wedding (minus being locked out of our bed and breakfast the night
before).

And Chris, I remember when you would come and visit us in
Gloversville and even up here in Albany when you brought the lobsters
and all, my dad and I were just talking about that event the other day.

To her other cousins Nancy and Cathy -- it was great seeing you guys
when you came up to visit, it's sad that we only get to see you guys
during these sad times. But mother loves you. She has told me about
the numerous times she spent with you guys. I'm not sure though, if this
is true or even one of you guys, but I have this thought of something
with posion ivy. If it's not I'm sorry, if I am, sorry I know posion ivy
isn't fun.

To Aunt Sally, Aunt Judy and Uncle Bob -- While I never got as
much luxury as mom has to hang out and get to know you guys, I
know she loves yo alot. But I know one thing for sure, she could
never keep up with Uncle Bob's new addresses.

To anyone I forgot to mention I'm sorry, if I haven't named you by
name, but my mind now is starting to fade out, as it's getting past my
11AM bedtime and I should start my sleep now. But there are fond
memories for everyone and anyone my mother has ever met or even
run into, even if it was a random person in the grocery store. Yeah, and
don't worry she has run into me more than once while I was at work
stocking the shelves.

Oh and I almost forgot my Uncle Nonnie, there's probably only one
word that I could come up with after reading all these things that you
have done and said for my mother and for the rest of her crew, my
brother and father combined. For all the times you played Mr.
Belvedere and lived in our attic. Helped us arrange the living room,
helped with installing our pool and the random snack food junkie times
of Oreo's and what else it would be. And the fact that anytime you
mention my football career you make me sound like Reggie White. So
thank you and I suppose you are wondering what the word is.... it's
King. And I'm sorry I've gone rambling but you know my mother is well, if
my Uncle is the King, she just has to be the Queen. There is just so
much to my mother that a complete anthology of it all would take a long,
long time. Something, I hope my mother has left with us.
So until next time I venture to write, I thank you all for everything and I
know my brother and father do as well.

Now for me, it's time for a quick nap before visiting the Queen in her
room on the fifth floor. Love you all. And as Cousin/Uncle Dave said..
Let's all pray for a miracle.

Ain't No Reason

Best Friends

A Mystery

I have a lot of memories of Tam from when I was small, but the teenage years are a bit of a blur. Other than the bowling experience and the time at the church camp, our lives didn't intersect much. Tam has always been sort of a mystery to me and I never really know what the real story is.

I know that she loved to go dancing and to clubs, but being too young, I never frequented those places. She would tell us a bit of her times at the Machine Shop, The Slide In, Lost Horizon and Uncle Sam's, but not much. More than once, I remember going with my dad to pick Tammie up after her old 1973 mustard-yellow Oldsmobile 88 would break down. One time, there were several girls that stayed over at our home after one such adventure. A girl named "Judy" stayed for several days and my mom was starting to wonder. Eventually, Judy returned to wherever she came from and my sister never spoke of her again. In fact, she never spoke of her before that night.

Another time, I came home from school and there was some guy named "Wayne" hiding in our basement. In addition, there were several young men outside waiting for Wayne to come out. I really don't know who Wayne is or was or what became of him. I do recall that someone came to retrieve the characters outside, but I never really learned what that was all about. Tam probably felt sorry for the young man.

In December 2007, I got a call from Tammie and she was stranded on the NYS Thruway just west of Herkimer. She was calling from the Trooper barracks in Schuyler and sounded a bit frantic. Although there was a terrible snowstorm, Amy and I started out on a midnight adventure to retrieve my sister. The visibility was terrible and the roads were unplowed; it may have been the most dangerous thing that I have ever done in my rather tame life. I never got an explanation from Tam on where she was headed that night, but I don't believe that I ever asked. On her Facebook profile, she lists more than once about having fun. I think that is what she was trying to accomplish that night and what she really wanted her whole life.

Tammie liked to keep some things to herself. She never smoked in front of my parents, nor did she even tell them that she did. Of course, my mom and dad are pretty hip characters and they really knew all along. Tammie spent a lot of time by herself and with friends during her teen years and moved out of the house when she was eighteen. Except for a short period (two weeks or so), she never lived with my parents again. There is a lot that I don't know about my sister, but I know that all of us have things that we want to keep to ourselves.

Missing You

Looking at the past.

I am missing Tam tonight.

Longing for her laugh.

We all love you, sweetheart.

More 1970's Tam Video

I think this video is from 1970-1972. While most people were in the Girl Scouts back then, our crazy neighbor thought it best, if the girls on our street joined the Campfire Girls. I can remember going door-to-door with Tammie in Westvale trying to sell Campfire Girl Candy and believe it or not, many people were fairly receptive. I loved that candy; especially the peanut brittle.

During the video section where several of us our playing with dolls, you might see my first two-wheel bike. My Aunt Sally gave it to my parents, and Tammie and I learned to ride on that thing. From what I understand, my older cousins also used it when they learned to ride. The bike still sits in my parents' shed and has no kickstand (this is why it is on its side in the lawn) and no brakes! My first ride on it was in the backyard and I somehow was able to make it a few yards before I crashed violently into our neighbor's privet hedge. For some reason, training wheels were not an option for me.

We spoke with Mike tonight and he told us that Tam had a good day today and that she actually ate a few bites of stuffed chicken and of course, some chocolate milk. As Mike mentioned, there are not many people out there as determined as my big sis.

Visiting My Grandmother (Dad's Mom)

I found a little video of a couple of our visits to my Grandmother Ruth's in Wellsville. Tam is in there as well! Unfortunately, there is no accompanying audio with this one.

Earlier Grandmother Ruth post

I Gotta Be Me

All through my life, my mom has been pushing this idea of "I Gotta Be Me". A few people are responsible for singing this little diddy, but I think Sammy Davis Jr.'s version was the most well-known. My mother was very concerned that we be our own person and that we did what we thought was right in life. Mom liked to sing the song to us and she used wacky hand gestures to get her point across. My sister and I would be in hysterics with laughter, but that never stopped mom.

This was similar to when mom attempted to teach us how to bowl. She was very serious about how to pick up the ball and where the fingers should go and stressed how important the approach to the foul line was. She then explained where we should aim the ball and she was very particular about a proper release with good arm extension. She went through the steps and made her way to the foul line and then she came with the arm extension and the follow-through. The only problem was that she dropped the ball behind her and it rolled slowly backwards and off the lane.

Despite these funny moments, I have tried to listen to my mother. When I was approached by young punk friends to drink, I said no. If I were asked to throw snowballs at cars, I walked away. If someone pressured me to do something that I thought was wrong, I just wouldn't back down. All the while, I remembered my mother's rendition of the beloved hit, "I've Gotta Be Me". By the way, originally the tune was known as "I've Got to Be Me" and the great Steve Lawrence swung with it, but Sammy thought that it need to be jazzed up a little and changed the title. You see, I thought that I was the only one that listened to my mom's nonsense, but I realized now that Tam did, too.

During the last year or so, I have watched as people that I knew stood by and allowed others to bully them and put forth misinformation and in some case lies. Surprising, but true! I have been frustrated by this and wondered why it is that people who are professional people, educated people could behave in such a way. I realize now, that they are just weak characters with no "I Gotta Be Me" in them. As simple as the song is, the concept is not easy and I myself have failed miserably at being me, many times in my short life. My sister has also made a few mistakes and errors in judgement, but I would submit that she did listen to mom and lived the "I Gotta Be Me" way.

Tam lived her life the way she wanted to and did what she thought was right. At times, she may have made bad decisions (I am sure that smoking is a regret), but for the most part, I believe that she made decisions based on what was right for her and her family. Tam, you are the least phony person that I know.

Click below for Sammy's

I Gotta Be Me

Note from Aunt Sally

To talk about Tammie is to remember how she lit up a room when she came in. Always happy, full of life and so much fun to be with. I'll always remember how she would tell jokes that her father had told her. She remembered us each Christmas with news about her family, and sending her love. I'll cherish my memories and keep them close to my heart. Tammie continues to be in our thoughts and prayers. Aunt Sally